Mosquitoes may give you sleepless nights. They’ll buzz around you and you’ll try to swat them but you’ll miss. So you’ll get out of bed and turn the light on but you won’t see them. Damn ninja mosquitoes. Then you’ll turn the light off and go back to bed but they’ll continue to pester you but you’ll eventually succumb to sleep.

A broken heart can give you sleepless nights. You’ll toss, turn and cry yourself to sleep. You’ll struggle to sleep, but eventually, sleep will get the better of you. Because sleep conquers all.

But bedbugs will give you sleepless nights. I assure you. Bedbugs will keep you awake. I speak from experience.

In mid-2015 I reported to campus for the second semester of my third year with great expectations. I had just started dating my girlfriend, so we were still in the honeymoon phase of our relationship. So naturally, we were madly in love with each other.

But before I could settle and do stuff like invite my girlfriend over to my place, my roommate Sam and I  were confronted with a big-small problem–bedbugs.

Because of bedbugs, Sam and I barely slept for days. So, we eventually decided to move out until we could find a solution to our problem. I can’t quite remember where Sam went but I went to stay with my girlfriend (now ex-girlfriend). Things went awry, unfortunately. And I recently discovered she unfriended me on Facebook too.

I don’t know why but her not wanting to be friends with me on Facebook made me sad. It really did. It reminded me of how we would “rub” friends when we were kids.

“Rubbing” friends sucked. Especially if a popular kid rubbed friends with you. Then you would be secluded and you would have to play alone. Then you would go home feeling all sad and gloomy and you wouldn’t eat your supper.

“Why aren’t you eating Jane?” your mom would ask.

“I’m not hungry.”

“But you’ve barely touched your food. The food isn’t good?”

Mothers. Always self-conscious about their food even when it’s fine.

“It’s nice mom. I’m just not feeling hungry.”

“What’s wrong sweetie? How was school today?”

“Linda doesn’t want to be my friend,” you would bawl.

“I thought Linda was your best friend. Why doesn’t she want to be your friend anymore?”

“I don’t know.”

And the truth is, you never really knew. Try to steal a popular kid’s shine or just look at her the wrong way and she would seclude you. Damn popular kids.

“Does Linda like cake?”

“I guess so.”

So your mom would bake a sumptuous black forest cake that you would take to Linda as a peace offering to appease her. Because everyone loves cake. And then you wonder how bribery starts. That’s how.

Anyway, in this day and age, I think it’s pointless to unfriend people. Because people are kind of like bedbugs. They’re awfully difficult to get rid off. Especially if you have lots of mutual friends. You’ll unfriend someone on Facebook but that person will keep popping up in status updates you’ve commented on and pictures with mutual friends. And in those pictures, he’ll be smiling. Smirking, actually. And the picture will have lots of likes. That’s how phone screens are shattered. Damn social media.

Anyway, so after putting up with my girlfriend for two or more weeks, I can’t quite remember how long I stayed with her, Sam called me and gave me a reality check. He told me we had paid rent and we couldn’t put up with other people for the entire semester. It was a bitter pill to swallow but it was the truth. Besides, East or West home is best. Even if it’s crawling with bedbugs.

So Sam and I moved back to wage war on the bedbugs. Did I mention bedbugs are hard to get rid off? I did, didn’t I? Boy, aren’t the critters difficult to exterminate. We tried just about everything possible to eliminate them.

First, we tried using a dust insecticide but it didn’t work. Then we mixed some liquid insecticide with water in a spray-can, sprayed our beds with the solution and put our beds out in the sun. We were certain that would work. But it didn’t work either. It was like we had just taken the bedbugs out to sunbathe.

The vermin remained obstinate and continued to bite us giving us sleepless nights as if mocking our efforts to eliminate them.

Bedbugs are resilient. They never say die. Also, they can survive for several months without eating. If you adopt an attitude like a bedbug you’ll go far in life. Well, except the starving yourself part.

A friend of ours then suggested we should try using Jik saying it would work for sure. I know desperate times call for desperate measures but I declined. The smell of chlorine nauseates me. So there was no way we were using Jik. No way was my room going to reek of chlorine like a goddam swimming pool.

We were running out of options. You know the story of the lady whose house is infested by rats so she decides to burn it down? At some point, I thought about doing this. Showing those damn bedbugs fire!

But finally, Sam and I found a solution that works. And it was hiding in front of us in plain sight. Boy didn’t we feel foolish. It’s kind of a trade secret though, so I won’t tell you what it is.

I know some of you are probably thinking that you can get the solution online. Dispel such thoughts. You’ll be inundated with solutions online you won’t even know what to do.

So here’s my pitch. I wouldn’t wish bedbugs even upon my worst enemy. Sleep deprivation can drive one crazy. Sleep deprivation is so bad it’s used as a technique by interrogators to crack people who won’t divulge information. Nobody deserves sleepless nights. And that includes you. So if bedbugs have been giving you sleepless nights give me a shout, will you? I’ll be glad to exterminate them for you at a reasonable fee of course.


4 Replies to “Bedbugs”

  1. Haha that was a round up of part of your life in campus! I only knew how good you and Sam were as chefs especially on your birthdays, lol. “Hope you are not hawking “dawa.”” Hehehe

    1. Hi Boaz
      Yeah, when we weren’t good chefs we were battling bedbugs. Haha. And I’m not hawking “dawa”, yet 😀

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